So, as you may know, is not content to let poor ole Dunder remain a disaster DM and has lovingly(?) excoriated me over my dungeon designs. This public shaming came with an assignment, and I have been working on the following in dribs and drabs as my two jobs, church responsibilities and family have allowed.

I had previously created a Corn-Maze entrance through Farmer Noka’s crop circles, but this is the first actual level. Before we jump straight in, I present this side-view of the megadungeon. This side view will get more detailed as I create level 2 (Xvarts!) and level 3 (Goblins!) and whatever comes after that. Please note that I replaced the pile of stuff in the original cornmaze with a well that leads straight down to a level 4 treasure pile that is guarded by a Grell.

So here, without further ado, is my entrance to the Jeffro Johnson Dungeon Contest. #Dungeon26

The Sideview (such as it is)-

Some of the above will make more sense when you read the below…

The Map

Start in Room 1. The Green section is the Kobold Living Quarters. The Blue section is the Kobold Recreation Area. The Orange section is the Kobold Mining Operation. The Yellow section is the Kobold Treasury.

The Encounter Table

• Inspiration for Farmer Piechoky’s Inbred Children - X-Files Episode “Home”

• Wolverine Gibberlings with silver infused skeletons, a bone is worth 200 sp. An intact skeleton is worth 2,000 sp. - Brown & Yellow costume, Bub.

• Goth Teenagers playing with a Ouija Board - Using board summons Imp named Shagduk on 1in6.

The Room Key -

I’m going to break these out by quadrants. The first room is a doozy, but it sets the tone. They won’t all be like it.

1. A 30’ ladder strains from the open hole at the top down to the center of the room.

   1. Trap! 20’ down the ladder there is a Metal Rung which will glitter for anyone with light who is looking. (Kobolds know not to step on it.) If stepped on, it has 2 mechanical levers that extend as it is depressed. These levers push the risers far enough apart that the rungs fall out. Stepper drops 20’ (2d6 fall damage), adjust damage for height of people above or below him on ladder when it comes apart. Anyone descending with iron spikes and ropes will not need to worry of course.

   2. At floor level there are a dozen women, children and a few old men, frozen like statues, deeply covered in dust and cobwebs, motionless. These are the camp followers from the side of Law on that fated battle from a century ago. There is a thick berm of ash, cutting an arc in the group, marking the daily passage of the sun, streaming down along the ground through the hole above. Clawed tracks lead from the base of the ladder to the archway in the north wall. A few people along the path have had feces smeared on their faces, stale urine on their legs. One has a sign about their neck scrawled in Koboldic: “idiot”. There is a faint muttering at the low end of human hearing that fills the room. If searched for an ancient Magic Mouth will be found whispering on one wall. If silenced or dispelled, the camp followers will awaken and charge up the ladder, where they will age 1 year for every minute they remain in sunlight.

2. Large Room. Stone floor. 5 exits. There is a wagon with a broken axle in the center. The wheels are stuck in the stone as if it were mud. 6 sacks of 500 cp each are on the wagon. Koboldic Graffiti: “Leave coppa! Take silva to treasury!” (remember encumberance! - most 11 STR men will be maxed out on one bag, not to mention their gear)

   1. South Door - Fancy, painted red and purple. Locked and Stuck fast. (To Recreation)

   2. East Door - Iron Door, Locked, needle trap in handle - save vs poison or die. (To Treasury)

   3. North - Open Passageway (to Mine)

   4. West - Normal Door -not stuck (To Living Quarters)

Kobold Recreation -

1. Kobold Latrine, well-used, foul

2. Kobold Lounge. There is a stage, a bar and several tables.

   1. Behind the bar are 12 bottles of spirits, 2 potions of healing, a keg of ale and a large sack of peanuts.

   2. On the stage is a Piano with a tip jar containing: 100 cp, 20 sp, 5 gp. Also on stage are 5 other various instruments (each worth 2d6 * 100 sp). The piano’s probably worth a fortune, but how will you get it up the ladder?

   3. Secret door to Area 6 (Underground Kobold Boxing Ring)

   4. Secret door to Area 5 (Kobold Zoo)

3. Kobold Zoo! The zoo is filled with smaller cages. It is contiguous with area 7, the Giant Weasel Exhibit. Unlike the Weasel Cage, these ones have only one layer of bars, but they are close together enough to keep the occupants from escaping.

   1. Marvel at the Caged Giant Badger! - MM 8

   2. Thrill to the Huge Spider! - MM 90

   3. Get a load of the Wild Boar! - MM 11

   4. Chortle at the Farm Hand! - MM 66

4. Underground Kobold Boxing Ring. Place your bets!

   1. 2 Kobold Guard-Level Boxers Sparring each other!

   2. NE Corner has viewing windows to Area 9

   3. Secret door through Locker Room to Area 5 (Kobold Zoo)

5. Giant Weasel Exhibit. This cage is large enough for the Weasel to pace, and has a double row of offset bars. They are easy to see through (if you brought a light source), but impossible to shoot through.

   1. The Weasel has a Silver Collar (600 gp) and is walking funny because someone has pushed two pair of Boots of Elvenkind onto his four feet.

   2. There is a button on the wall. If pressed it will open all the cages. If he is conscious, the Farm Hand will try to get them to push the button to release him.

6. Aquarium. This room has three large tanks lining the walls, and a 5 gallon bowl on a pedestal.

   1. Boggle at the Lampreys! MM 59

   2. Stare at the Eyeless Albino Giant Pike! MM 78

   3. Dip some tasty Goldfish for that Identify Spell!

   4. Treasure! In the center of the room is a pedestal with a bowl of 3 Barglean Actuals!!! Barglean Actual Gold Goldfish are made of living gold. Each one is worth 800 gp dead. Each one is worth 1,600 gp alive to a noble or wealthy merchant. Anything that kills normal goldfish kill barglean actuals.

7. Bridge over the Xvart level. Did you see Squid Game? Remember the bridge with the random glass panes that would either support you or shatter and drop you? This is like that. 30’ down to the Xvart level. 10’ poles recommended to cross. Ropes recommended to descend. DM should randomize which panels are traps each time this area is restocked. Sometimes Xvarts climb up here to take revenge on the Kobolds.

   1. What’s that twinkling below? Among the dead Xvart and Adventurer bodies? Is that glass shards? Is that spilled coins? (It’s both! 2,000 sp & 500 gp)

   2. Two-way mirrors allow Kobolds in areas 6 (Boxing Ring) and 10 (VIP Viewing Room) watch the fun. Wall-tube trumpets allow bridge users to hear their gambling, cheers, and laughter.

8. VIP Viewing Room for Squid Game Bridge. Secret Exit in W wall leads to room 51 (Xvart hideout).

9. Secret Closet entrance to Area 10 (VIP Viewing Room)

Kobold Living Quarters -

1. Locker Room for Kobold Miners. Leather Helmets with Candle Reflectors. Leather Harnesses and Tool Belts. Tiny Boots. One pair of tiny boots is full of gravel.

2. Washroom. Cistern with pumps to Raintree Shower Heads. Solitary Bathroom Stall in corner bears Koboldic sign: “Out of Order!” Inside there is a secret tunnel to Cavern 25, and hidden under a loose tile in the floor, a pouch of smuggled uncut gems. (12 stones of 1d10 gp value each.)

3. Kobold Miners’ Dormitory. Just rows of adorable-sized bunkbeds. A dozen footlockers containing 1d20 cp each.

   1. In north wall, a secret smuggling tunnel to Cavern 25 hides behind a Raquel Welch Poster.

   2. Secret Spyhole Door to Area 15 (Guard Dorm) so Guards can keep an eye on the workers.

4. Kobold Guard Dormitory. Secret door to spy on/enter worker Dorm.

5. Bathroom. Three-holer bench on either side, Xvart level below. It’s… not nice down there… Many Xvart crossbow bolts stuck in underside of each bench and a couple in the ceiling above the three-holers.

6. Drawing Room. Just a nice place to read or play Euchre with the boys after a hard day’s mining.

7. Kobold Library. Checkout Desk. Books in Koboldic. If the shelves are searched:

   1. Level 1 Spellbook with 3 M-U Starter Spells

   2. Scroll of Levitation

   3. Kobold Romance Novel- “The Gnoll’s Daughter” -8 gp to a fan of the genre

   4. Breach tunnel to the Grell’s Treasure Pit on Level 4.

8. Cafeteria. Tables. Trays. The usual.

9. Kitchen. Cupboards. Pots. Pans. You know.

10. Chief’s Bedroom. Queen sized bed. Pullup bar in the closet. Secret door to area 5 (Zoo).

    1. Owlbear rug on the floor. -1,000 gp

    2. An easel and a collection of six watercolor paintings on canvas created by the Chief himself. - 100 gp each to a collector.

       1. 66% chance the Chief is here, with two Guards and three normal Kobolds. Chief has a +1 Dagger and he uses it!

    3. Locked, poison needle trapped Chest of 1,000 ep.

    4. Another locked chest of 1,000 sp that looks just like the first one.

Kobold Mining Operations -

1. Cart Room. Big Wagons for Tailings. Smaller Carts for Ore. The tunnel between 22 and 23 slopes downward as it goes North.

2. Tool Shed. picks, shovels, drills, hammers, iron spikes, two 25’ ropes, candles, a spool of copper wire worth 50 gp.

3. Natural Cavern. Earthworks ramp down to cavern floor 35’ beneath ceiling. Stalactites and stalagmites abound. Sound of distant dripping. Cart tracks veer to the East 2/3’s of the way in, leading to otherwise hard to find tunnel in the vasty darkness. Two really hard to find tunnels in the northwest corner leading to Cavern 25 and Cavern 28.

4. This cavern is multicolored, glistening and oddly smooth. There is a small tunnel, possibly dug by a greedy Kobold worker trying to smuggle uncut gems for himself. It leads to the Out-of-Order bathroom stall in room 13 (Shower Room). There is another tunnel, perhaps dug by a different Kobold for a similar purpose. It leads to a Raquel Welch poster in room 14 (Workers’ Dorm).

5. This smaller cavern has been decorated with rugs and pillows. 50% chance of a female Kobold w/ a blonde wig hanging out here. She just wants to be alone right now. Will scream her head off if she sees you. Northwest exit is closed off with loose fieldstone. A sign in Koboldic reads: “Keep Out!!!” It will take about 10 minutes to clear the stones by hand.

6. This cavern is filled with the Chaos version of the camp followers. Their magic mouth failed a short time ago. 20 zombies. All motionless, covered with dust and cobwebs, but ready to attack.

7. There is nothing in this cavern except a doll. Upon entry, the sound of an almost imperceptible titter, like the giggling of something pretending to be a child. The zombies from 27 will not enter this room. Not even to chase you. Whoever touches the doll first becomes its new owner. See Doll Behavior below.*

8. The center of this cavern is filled with a mound of tailings. 33% chance to find 10 kobold workers playing King-of-the-Hill on the rubble.

9. One of the pair of caves known as “The Kidneys.”

10. The other Kidney. Kennel for the Wild Boars that the Kobolds use to pull their carts. 4 pens, each holding 1 boar, 2 sows and a piglet. (16 total animals)

11. Worked mine shafts. A streak of gold in the northern shaft. Each turn worked using mining tools will yield 100gp of ore. Loud! Each turn roll a d10. If the result is lower than the # of turns you have already spent mining, the vein is played out. Did I mention that it’s loud?

12. This shaft has been boarded up. A sign hung in Koboldic: “No go in here!” Two of the boards have been pried loose, but placed to look intact. At the end of the shaft is a 40’ hole down to Level 3! Goblin grappling hooks line the opening with ropes snaking down into the darkness.

13. Mine shaft. Large carts full of tailings to be hauled out. Small carts waiting to carry ore and gem inclusions. Many tracks leading between this shaft and room 36 (Sorting).

14. Another Mine Shaft. This shaft has broken into 2 caverns. Two pillars hold up the ceiling.

15. Sorting Room. Ore is processed in the East side, and Gems are separated from the remaining rock that clings to them. Gems and precious metals are sorted in the west side. Locked Metal Door to the south.

16. Gem-cutting Room. Kobold gem-cutters work on the raw stores here, turning them to treasure. Windows on 3 sides of the room permit Guards from the treasury to observe and keep them honest. Locked Metal Door with pass-through panel lets cut gems and nuggets be passed into the airlock to Room 42 (Main Treasury Chamber).

17. Natural cave formation known as “The Intestine.” Garnets glisten in the torchlight. If you haven’t already rolled a Piercer encounter, 1d8 will line the ceilings here.

18. Mine shaft 35 has broken into this natural cavern. Flat tunnel in the northeastern corner is wide enough for two to crawl side by side, but the ceiling is very low. Must remove backpacks and drag on your belly.

19. This cave is entirely natural except for an enormous portion of the eastern wall. Pillars are carved into the living rock, like at Petra in Jordan. Between them is an enormous fresco depicting a massive battle between armies of Chaos and Law. Black and Purple crystals have grown around this enormous carving like a frame. (The crystals can be crushed to make purple dyes but also have an unknown property: a magic user can inhale the powdered crystal to immediately recast the last spell he used without having to memorize it anew. This damages the MU for 1d4 hp per level of spell.)

20. An underground lake with an island in the middle. The lake has 1d6 Giant Pike of the albino and eyeless variety that can be seen in Area 8 (Aquarium). The lake spills into a subterranean river that runs off to the East. On the island is an ancient and crumbling war-wagon, containing:

    1. An enormous, locked, poison-needle trapped (save vs poison or die) chest of 5,000 gp in ancient coin

    2. Barrel of 100 arrows including three +1 magic arrows

    3. +1 Large Shield

    4. Three large sacks of 500 sp each.

    5. An empty crystal Bourbon Bottle (with a Throat Leech inside it!)

*Doll behavior - DM secretly rolls 1D12 once per day. Result takes effect at inconvenient moment for players.

1. Found in a different place than left.

2. Emanates Darkness 50’ radius sphere centered on doll

3. Emanates Fear 50’ radius sphere centered on doll

4. Temperature drops until you can see your breath

5. Emanates Silence 1d10 turns 50’ radius sphere centered on doll

6. Emanates smell of decaying corpse

7. Owner’s eyes go milky white. They can only see from doll’s eyes until sunrise.

8. Owner goes involuntarily ethereal per oil of Etherealness.

9. Party rations spoil with maggots

10. On next rest party member wakes to find owner standing over them holding the doll out, asleep on their feet. Waking them leads to screaming.

11. Torches snuff out. Unseen children giggle.

12. Something flammable nearby ignites.

Animals and children hate the doll on sight. If discarded, doll will appear in the owner’s belongings at sundown. Owner can only be rid of the doll by sacrificing a sentient being in the cave where the doll was found (they learn this by listening to the doll’s whispers in their mind at night), or if the doll is sprinkled with Holy Water.

Kobold Treasury-

1. Main Treasury Chamber. Thick Wall on entrance with Kobold reception desk in center. On north and south sides, short staircase down to main level. Large bank vaults on either side. Just past them, green shaded oil lamps glow on a polished wall-to-wall mahogany service desk on the north wall which protects the airlock and observation windows to the Gem-cutting room via a fold-up portion of the desktop. Large, open portcullis entrance to Room 43.

2. Long hallway. There is a lever on the north wall, just inside the entry that will drop the portcullis, sealing off room 42 (Main Treasury Chamber). There is an odd contraption here. It looks like a giant brass bell, hung by four lines that disappear into holes in the ceiling. An iron Tray is welded to the top of the bell, and in the tray is a locked chest containing 10,000 ep. (Remember encumberance, coin weight is important here!) An especially observant player may notice the 1-inch gap between the bottom of the bell and the floor.

   

   Here’s the rest of the story. The lines are going to pulleys and four large weights, that are just enough to perfectly balance the whole. Any downward pressure (such as a Thief trying to pick the lock on the chest) will cause the bell to strike the floor and ring loudly. The tone will activate the guards in room 48 to come investigate. (They can be thwarted by dropping the portcullis if the party is not up for a fight.)
   But wait there’s more!!! This bell has no clapper, it’s hollow. But it is keeping a large Shrieker (MM 87) in the dark! If the weight of the coins is removed, the bell will fly up, exposing the Shrieker and triggering its… well… shrieking. This will activate all the Kobold guardians in rooms 44, 45 and 47.

   

   There is a Secret Entrance behind a wood panel to area 51 (Secret Xvart Hideout)

3. Room of 6 Kobold Treasure Guardians. Shrieker will activate them.

4. Room of 6 Kobold Treasure Guardians. Shrieker will activate them.

5. Bathroom for Kobold Treasure Guardians. Dog-eared Kobold novel on shelf: “The Gnoll’s Neice.” Part two of a series - 7 gp to a collector.

6. Room of 5 Kobold Treasure Guardians. Shrieker will activate them.

7. Room of 10 Kobold Treasure Guardians. Sound of Bell in Room 43 will activate them.

8. Ore Vault. Massive Complex Combination Lock on Heavy Metal Vault Door (i.e. not pickable by low level thieves). Inside: Bins of Gold, Electrum, Silver and Copper nuggets

9. Gem Vault. Massive Complex Combination Lock on Heavy Metal Vault Door (i.e. not pickable by low level thieves). Inside: Locked Safe Deposit Boxes of Cut Gems

10. Secret Xvart hideout. Six Xvarts plotting sabotage on Kobolds. Open to negotiations if you keep their secret.